Day 24: Acts of love
This is a blog that I have been umming and ahhhing about writing for a little while now, I think I may have touched on the topic before, but its one thing to mention it in passing and another thing altogether to write a whole blog about it, but given that I have a set topic which it fits… so here it is anyway.
Before Dave and I got married, we did some pre-marriage classes which as far as I understand is pretty standard, but during this we were able to discuss lots of things around expectations, money, food, kids etc etc. Anyway I can’t remember if it was during one of the classes or as a result of one of the classes but Dave and I once again found ourselves discussing something called ‘The 5 love languages’. Its actually a really interesting and helpful thing to do and if you want more information about it you can check it out here.
Anyway, in most things Dave and I are pretty compatible, except for one particular area… love… now before I you start to panic, its not a big deal, but it is one that frustrates us both, maybe Dave more than me… The thing is we have very different love languages, that is, different ways we express and receive love… A little while ago, I repeated the online survey and these were my results…
What this means is… give me some kind words and spend some time with me and I am the happiest little monkey going round, what it also says is that way down the bottom of my list of things that make me feel loved is acts of service… do the dishes, clean the house, clean the toilet, fantastic, it will make me thankful that I don’t have to do it, but it won’t make me feel anymore loved than I already do.
Where is the problem I hear you ask? Well the way you receive love is often the way you give love… and Dave’s love languages are pretty much the opposite of mine. In fact his top one is acts of service… which I think is crazy, but that’s just the way it is! His least effective is also both my top two which is just as annoying, but appears to be less of an issue at the moment.
The problem is I have avoided housework and cleaning for most of my life, don’t get me wrong I love things to be neat and tidy, but I don’t ever want to do it… especially by myself, every now and then I will get a burst of energy and go nuts cleaning, but they are few and far between, unlike Dave who rejoices in clean counters, empty bins and wardrobes that close! I know housework is a common enemy of most people love, in fact I think I am not alone when I call it a necessary evil, but the thing is now I find myself married to a man who feels most loved when I put my shoes away, when I clean the dishes and then I remember to put the washing on. So over the last 10months I have found myself doing some of these things occasionally, I wouldn’t dare say regularly, because that would be lying, but I am getting better. For me these things that I hate have had to become acts of love, not service, because I need to show Dave how much I love him in a way that he will appreciated and understand, not in a way that works for me because other wise it is pointless. I still hate doing them every time, but I love the feeling of telling Dave that its all done and the encouragement that I get back. It’s appreciated much more than a little note, a present or even date night is. Who knows maybe one day I might even
enjoy get used to it. But for now they are my acts of love.