I haven’t grown out of it yet

Yesterday I handed in my first assignment for my second degree.  As I have previously blogged, I have just started my dip ed while continuing my full time work and if it is going to be like last week all the time, it may just kill me.  I know that sounds dramatic, but it’s true, last week was busy, really busy and of top that, I had this stupid half sickness (which continues, just FYI) and my first assignment due. 

To be honest with you I thought it would be different this time around, I mean this time I am a fully fledged adult… and perhaps I even classify as that annoying mature aged student (although I am not sure that 24 really counts as mature… just yet).  I was ready and organised but then stuff just kept happening, my motivation lagged and while I am not behind yet, I am pretty close.  Completing my first assignment also brought with it a lot of memories… I have also referred to myself (when talking about my school/uni work) as a perfectionist, there are lots of things I don’t do perfect but when it comes to my academic life I just can’t cope with the P’s get degree’s philosophy of my husband.  As I prepared to hand in my assignment all the anxiety I used to feel came flooding back, did I answer all the questions?  Will my word count be ok? Is this the right way to submit it? Have I proofread everything a million times? Is my reference list done correctly?  All these things stress me out and unfortunately take a toll on those around me.  Last night as I got Dave to check something for the 100th time he rolled his eyes and told me it was fine, I have to admit I was a little shocked and explained that he knew I was like this when we got married, and he responded ‘well I did think you might grow out of it” and in fairness to Dave, it’s probably fair enough.  I thought I would have out grown stressing about that part of uni too, but I haven’t, not yet anyway.  It made me realise though that the next two years are going to be really intense, there will more than likely be more weeks like this… it isn’t always going to be easy and there will probably be times I wish I could give up, but I am in it now and I will keep going… perhaps I will learn how to not stress about assignments as I get further in?  Perhaps it will help me become the super organised person I always wanted to be?  Perhaps it will leave me stress and exhausted with just an extra piece of paper?  But here’s to hoping that I do ‘grow out of it’ but in a good way and this expereince makes me stronger and better…

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