Wow, it’s already been half a month and I am still behind in blogging. This past month has been a busy one, they always are, but it seems busier than normal. I am not sure if it is because the year has actually started and the pace I was enjoying in January is long gone, or because I have been distracted by other things and just not got around to getting on here. It could be the fact that both Dave and I have gone back to uni and it’s just all a bit much… who knows? But even though I should be:
a) cleaning my mess in the kitchen,
b) attempting to start some uni work or
c) starting to cook dinner
I have decided to stop and take a minute to reflect.
I feel like I say this constantly… but I am just really busy. I know it’s my choice because I have to say yes to all the things that I do, but when I do take a minute to stop and weigh it all up, I am not even sure where to start taking things out. In fact sometimes I am not even sure if I want to take anything out… I think one of the things that makes me feel busy is that Dave and I have different schedules, this means that we are always doing different things at different times, so even if I am not that busy after work one day, because Dave isn’t there it doesn’t feel like I am relaxing. Now I know I don’t need Dave to be around to relax, but I just find it easier to do so when he is.
I have tried to start some routines to try and feel a little more settled, and even though I have just had 3days off, I still feel a little out of control. There is always something looming that is due, or needs to be done. Always somewhere to be or something to follow up, it just never stops. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to just refuse… just to say no to everything, but to be honest I think if I did that I would get bored.
Sometimes I feel a little messy if I am in a mess… which with me is often, Dave actually describes me as a mini tornado… ‘leaving a trail of destruction wherever I go’. But maybe I need to, instead of stopping to reflect, or panic, or just give up and watch TV, maybe I need to clean up… give myself a nicer working space… a calm space… maybe that will help.
Maybe I just need to get better at balance, or learn to say no… maybe I need to make more lists so I can see it all coming… or maybe that just wastes the precious time I have…. Maybe I will just get better at dealing with it as life goes on… I really hope so. I guess I better stop reflecting and either start one of the three things I was supposed to be doing or at the very least tidy something… here goes nothing.