I can not tell how relieved I feel to have woken up this morning and discover that yesterday was not a dream.
This week I have been on edge… waiting all week for yesterday’s half marathon to arrive… nervous and freaking out. Panicking about whether or not I could do it, whether or not the training that I had done would be enough, feeling uneasy about the fact that I had slacked off in the last month… right when it counted. Worrying about what would happen… all compounded by a terrible 10km run the weekend before where nothing went right and it hurt from 3km onwards… but now it is done and I feel really good… well my legs hurt and I am super tired… but I am feeling good about it!
I am not sure where all the anxiety for yesterday came from, but it was really intense. I didn’t sleep well, I stressed out and I yelled at Dave about being prepared and having everything ready… none of which helped. I think part of it may have been the fact that I tapered way to early (not on purpose, it just happened that way) and partly because when I look at my list there are lots of things that I think will be hard to accomplish and perhaps won’t be achieved this year… but they are things that take time, long term projects… but the half marathon is a single event that is hard and hurts… and I had only really given myself the one shot at it. I think I felt pressure… from myself to do it and do it well. Even now as I sit here and reflect on it I am torn between being elated that it is done and spewing coz I didn’t push myself 2 minutes harder and get my official time under 3hrs where I wanted it. I knew it was going to be slow and according to my GPS on my phone I did get through the 21.1kms under 3hrs… but not according to my official time… and that hurts. But I know that yesterday I did my best… I pushed myself the whole way through and next time… if there is a next time… I will do the same, and if I get under 3 then it will feel just as good as finishing now does. Yesterday’s run was a mixture, I felt good running, my legs felt good (for the first 16kms), I wasn’t too puffed or desperately counting down my running minutes or savouring my walking minutes, but when the rain started with about an hour to go… I wan’t happy… it was cold, and really really wet… not quite the sunny Sunday morning I had the first time round. Despite the stress, the pressure and expectations I am really proud of myself, even though I had done one before, I feel like I did this one better… like I was meant to be there this time and that I earned my medal.
I also loved running another half with Dad. I know last time I had my brothers, and this time Dave was by my side running with me the whole time (which was probably way to slow for him, but much appreciated by me), I just loved having dad there. Dad has been running long distances for as long as I have been alive, and even though the last 10 or so years have slowed him down on the running front and strongly encouraged him to choose other sports like cycling, he still loves it. I remember trying to keep up with him as he took us for a run around the block when I was little and him jumping straight on board with me when I had a crazy idea to do one 4years ago – even though he probably shouldn’t have. And yesterday having him there again was just special. It is nice to be able to share it with him, to be proud with him, and to know that we have accomplished something impressive, independently, but together. Although… he still runs quicker then me… whether I like it or not…
So I am super relieved that no. 9 is off the list… and so are my legs… now I can go back to other exercise fun, rather than just running. Although I have the fun run bug again and have already been looking into what I might do next.