So a little while ago now, Dave and I brought a house… ok so in terms of home ownership… it wasn’t that long ago, but it’s long enough that I have had some time to let it sink in. And it turns out, that even after all this thinking time, I am still not really sure how I feel. It’s a mixture of things to be honest… maybe I am still making up my mind.
There are lots of things I am really excited about… I will get to do some little changes and really make it my own, I will be able to paint, decorate and put my veggie garden actually in the ground. But mostly I am excited about the fact that it will be ours… and this is something that we have been thinking about, planning and saving for, for a long time. I have even found my self showing pictures of the new place to anyone who’ll look, like a proud grandparent… I am really excited that it’s all happening… but now that it is I am also super nervous about moving.
It turns out that while I like the idea of change… when it comes to following through… i’m not so good. I would love to think of myself as someone who embraces new things, exciting adventures and tackles the next chapter of life head on… but it’s just not me… in reality I spend a lot of time second guessing my decisions, even when I know I have made the right choice, and becoming a home owner has been no different. I have been struggling to get my head around moving suburbs, finding a new supermarket, a new coffee shop and a comfy new walking track and getting over the fact that where I am now, really feels like the place to be. The truth is it’s not really that far from where we are now, but it isn’t the same. As my school would have made me say… “It’s not good, it’s not bad, it’s just different”. And it’s true… it is just different. It will take a while to feel comfy, to find my spots and get used to traveling from a different place (even though for most things it’ll take the same time). When we move, which is actually still a couple of month off anyway, it’ll just take some time to adjust…
I know that this time next year I will look at this blog, and think about how silly I was to be worrying, but I still need to let it out now. I think I have really just discovered the truth of the saying that ‘you don’t know what you have, until you lose it’. And as I start to reflect on where we live at the moment, with my current suburb comforts, filled with convenient commutes to my friends places, an awesome little cafe, green streets and a supermarket a familiar as my own house, I am reminded of how blessed we have been to have had this opportunity. To have been allowed to stay where we have in a neat little home, perfectly located. It will be hard to say goodbye.
I have to remember though, that a lot of prayer went into our house hunting, and the way things fell into place when we purchased our new home is also a reminder that God listens and he provides, but even more importantly that he knows what is best. So if we have trusted him to help make the decision, I have to keep trusting now that the decision is done.
So between now and when we move in May, I am sure this state of limbo will continue, being torn between comfortable and new… familiar and exciting… but I know that it will be good… and different… but still good.