Homesick

So a week later I am back at The Peddler, this isn’t where I thought I would end up today, and I am not sure it is good for my waistline or emotional state, but nevertheless I am here.  And while I was trying to be fancy and just casually read a book as I sip on my tea and munch on my super late breakfast, my mind is running at one hundred miles an hour, and so what better way to process things by getting them out in the open.  So instead, I am now sitting here typing… Back at the peddler reflecting on the past week and all that has happened.

A little while ago I wrote about my mixed feelings about moving, about how it turns out I actually really don’t cope well with change and how I was torn between wanting to stay in the familiar and being excited about this new adventure.  Well now the move has happened… Quite smoothly I might add thanks to my overly organised colour coded packing spectacular.  But it all happened quite quickly, and while we are headed back to our old place tomorrow to clean it so that it is ready for whatever it’s next chapter holds, I have really been struggling with the whole thing.

I know it takes time, and I just need to give it that, time to adjust, time to get used to driving from different places, time to find some familiar things, but right now I just feel so out of place, so far away and a little isolated.  I should be enjoying setting up my new home, making it feel like us again, but I’m not… Not yet anyway! In my head I know it will get better, that I will adjust, that I will love it, but right now my heart is betraying me, and every time I drive through our old neighbour hood or even remotely near our old house, I get this overwhelming sense of ‘this is where I belong’ which then means when I am actually at my new home, my actual home, I feel dislodged and a little miserable.

There are moments when I get really excited about the new place, like on Monday when it was buzzing with the sounds of fun, and lots of people as Dave had a function there after work, or when I get to pick out new colours or features to display, when I get to plan my new home gym and what furniture I might like for the living area, but at the moment the longing to go back seems a little louder than the potential of the new place (especially when you through in a few unexpected joys like, unearthed electricity, a moving toilet and a missing phone line).  And the truth is I’m not sure there is an answer to how to fix this feeling… Other than time, and I am sure I am not the only person who has felt like this before… But I just needed to let it out… To say that at the moment, I just really miss where I was… But that this too shall pass!

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