I am sorry that I have probably been boring you all with my never ending quest to be a better me. A quest which appears to be taking up a lot of space while I go on blog after blog after blog, with probably seemingly little change, but I am here to do it again… The thing is, I think even though it might not come through in my words and experiences shared on here, I think things are changing… slower than I would like, but definitely changing. Over the last 12months or so I have done a lot of contemplating and reflecting, looking at where I am at… In the last 12monthsish I have started a new job and adjusted to a slightly different lifestyle, finished Uni for the second time and moved house. I have been looking quite broadly at the bigger picture… comparing where I was, to where I am now and then where I want to be, in a whole range of areas, but also taking time to look at the smaller parts that make up me… my spiritual life, my professional life and my physical life… and through all of this I have noticed that there is an element missing… not completely missing, but certainly lacking… in fact… I could do with a heap more.
The thing I think I am missing is some good old self-control… some discipline… and in fact this is something I have been craving for a while. I can see where it would be helpful in my spiritual life and getting into the word, where I need more when it comes to food, and in my desire to be better at super regular exercise and also in how I approach tasks at work. The exciting thing about self-discipline or self-control though, is, it isn’t something that I have to produce myself, in fact I don’t think I could work for it even if I tried. Let me explain…
As I have been reading and learning more and more in my spiritual life, I have realised over and over again how where I am at in my walk with Christ impacts all the other parts of my life. To some this may sound pretty obvious I know, but while I have always known they were connected, this bit is fresh for me. This morning I as I walked from the car park to work I had a little revelation… (that walk is only two minutes tops, so I am guessing it was a planted idea rather than something I came up with alone). It dawned on that what I needed more of was self-control… not time, money, effort, but discipline… but that self-control is also a fruit of the spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). It is something that should grow as I grow in Christ… so as I am deliberate about my time with Him my ability to practice self-control should also grow… But it doesn’t just stop there, in 2 Timothy 1:7 it says that we have not been given a spirit of timidity, but of power, love and self-discipline… it’s a gift that I just need to claim.
This need or hunger to have discipline and self control in my life is God given. The best bit is though, that God doesn’t see my life in parts like I do, he doesn’t separate my spiritual life from my work or everyday living, from my exercise or my eating, he just sees me… and all that it entails, my spiritual life should be blended in with everything else, so then should this gift of self-discipline and the fruit of self-control. I can claim these for all things in my life. As I put him first, I can pray that these fruits will grow and I can claim this gift… I can see them work not only in my desire for learning more about Him, but also in making wise decisions about what I put in my mouth, getting into a regular exercise routine and into practicing what I preach as a dietitian. It’s actually really cool… self-control and self-discipline here I come.