It turns out I can’t do everything… I have to pick… This is something my dad has been telling me for a while, but this week I think it has started to sink in… And it hurts a little.
There is not enough time or money to do and have it all… And even if I did some how fulfill my secret dream of becoming a superstar… I couldn’t ‘have it all’ then either, I would lose things like privacy and the ability to live a quiet life. Life is all about choices, which is a little annoying as I am chronically bad at making decisions. But not making a choice is also a choice in itself… and it’s a pretty bad one. Because while I um and ahh, time keeps ticking by and I am starting to realise if I sit here waiting for someone else to make the decision, I am not going to necessarily like their choice… or they may never make it and I will be stuck in the same place in another 4 years wondering and pondering the same things. In fact, it’s 3 and a half years since I last had this little epiphany and blogged about it… that this is life… this is being an adult… and it’s just the way it is.
Back then I was worried about making the most of things… which it turns out, I haven’t really learnt how to do, because I am still worried about the same things. Now, it is more of a fear of missing out. Shutting a door on something and regretting it. But, trying to keep juggling so many things also means that nothing gets the full me, I am always looking around for greener grass, something better, expecting that I have made the wrong choice and not really embracing everything I do have. Which is actually a lot… I am sitting here typing this on my comfortable yet affordable Ikea couch, with a nice roof over my head… which is all mine. It’s a pretty great life. I have a good job, and some great part time work as well, I live in a safe area, the Sun is shining, our fridge is empty at the moment, but only because I have the luxury of doing the shopping whenever I feel like it.
I am truly blessed.
We only get one chance to do things while we are here on earth, and while there is incredible pressure to get it right… it doesn’t have to be perfect… in fact many wiser people than I, tell me that the harder bits, the difficult roads, make the good bits even sweeter, and they are actually a really important part of the adventure. I need to learn to accept the things I cannot have, and own the things that I actually don’t want, even if everyone else is doing it. It is ok for me to not want the same things. But I do need to think about what I do want, what is important and how I can work towards it. Or how I can make it happen. Because now that I am an adult, no one is going to do it for me. If I want it… I need to go for it, sitting back and waiting is futile.