Today I have found myself thinking about my future and what my life might look like over the next 12 months and beyond… it’s a question that for as long as I can remember, I have always had an answer to… but right now I don’t…

To be honest, my life has run a pretty standard course in terms of life stages… but I think I might be in a gap… and the control freak in me is not sure how to do a long stage that doesn’t have a whole heap of direction…

Let me explain… When I was in primary school, the next step was high school, from there I went to uni, when I finished uni I got a job… then next on the list was moving out of home, then getting married, then traveling and then having a baby… which brings me to now… I think the next logical step in my life plan is retirement… which as much as I would love to tick of right now… would be a fairly miserable way to live, given my working carrier has not been that extensive and my ‘nest egg’ is pretty small…

I am guessing that for the next little bit Isaac’s goals will become my own… I will help him move through his stages of life… but right now, looking at just my life… I have hit a big chapter… where I can say I have reached it… but it will be a long time before it is complete.

It’s such a strange feeling… not really know where to aim, not knowing what I need to do, or how I will know when this bit is done… usually I would find a situation such as this stressful and unnerving, but I am hopeful… this ‘adulthood with kids’ stage will be long and I am sure as I start to journey through it, it will have its own goals, but it is also a blank canvas. Previously I have always been pushing myself forward… willing myself to be older and to tick all the boxes, so I had never stopped to think about what this bit would look like, what I would do, who I would be… I was just in a rush to get here (which in hindsight seems silly, because the chapters that came before were just as important and also very fun).  Yet, despite my lack of planning… here we are, with so much ahead… and it’s exciting.

Maybe I’m the only one that looks at parenthood and thinks like this… I am sure I am not… but over the past 5 months I haven’t had a heap of time to plan and dream for what it might look like, and I am sure once Dave goes back to work later this week, I will be totally focused on getting through one day at a time… but right now… in this moment, where my head is above water and I have the energy to swim… it’s exciting to dream about my ‘mum’ life and all that it will bring.