Seven Years with One Hotel

Let me tell you about a magical place… not the most magical place… that’s Disneyworld… but a close second for the George family, the Langham Hotel. It’s a place that we return to over and over and over again… almost yearly even adding some international visits (Auckland and London)… and it never gets old. It is as beautiful as it is elegant, and we have love it as much now as we did on our very first visit.

Our first date at the Langham was in preparation for our wedding, venue meetings, food tastings and trips to the foyer to dream about what was coming. Our most recent was visit was this week, with Dave gifting Isaac and I (and himself) a mid week city scape during the school holidays, and it was perfect.

Years at the langham

This is the first time I have stayed in the city in 2 years where I haven’t been terribly morning sick and super super paranoid about eating the wrong things. Now don’t get me wrong, I have enjoyed our last couple cityscapes too… but this one was just better… it was relaxing and lovely. We ate delicious food… all of which I could eat without a care in the world, showed Isaac around Southbank, and generally lived the pretend highlife for 24 hours… totally wonderful.

Over the weekend I found myself reminiscing and reflecting on the last 7 years since Dave and I celebrated our marriage with our amazing Langham reception. Last week Dave and I clocked over 14 years together… which I think is pretty incredible. I have been with Dave for almost half my life, and I wouldn’t change it for anything. I thought about the significance of bring Isaac with us to our favourite Melbourne get away and the journey of the last 2 years in particular, which feel like forever all on their own. The last time we were at the Langham we were telling my mum that Isaac was on his way… and now only 14 months later we have a healthy and happy almost 1 year old.

It’s been a crazy, 7 years… and last night as we sat in a room very similar to the very first room we ever stayed in at the Langham, I found myself in tears, feeling very overwhelmed by how blessed I am even with the heartache and anxiety of our most recent days. I was overwhelmed with love for Dave and Isaac, my little family, oh man… I am so blessed to call them mine. I was overwhelmed by all we have, and even though some of it may be humble, it is abundantly more than I feel I deserve. And there was hope, that the pain of the last two years is fading and that our days are good… there is space for relaxing, there is space for great food and company and that there are better things to come… that we have started a new chapter… a chapter of fun, of lighter life, and mostly of family, our family that feels just a little bit more complete.

Dear Joshua

Dear Joshua,

I don’t really know how to write this blog/letter… It’s been a month since we met you and had to leave you… and I still don’t know how we even start to say goodbye?

Well I guess we start by saying this isn’t the end… mummy and daddy will be with you again one day.  Time will go so fast for you, partying up in heaven, but we will need to wait a little longer.  Either way we will be together again one day.  I will be able to hold you again and kiss your nose.  Daddy will be able to tuck you in and tell you how good you are, and we will both be able to tell you how much we love you.

Even though we didn’t get to meet you in person we are so proud of you.  Of your cheeky and defiant nature that we saw at your scans.  Of your perfect little body with your beautiful face and perfectly long hands and feet just like your dads.  And of your appetite… Turkish Delight milkshakes and pink donuts won’t be the same now that you are gone.

You were so strong and courageous, you held on for so long, right up until daddy told you it was ok, that if you needed to go to heaven without us, you could go.  Thank you for being so brave and making that tough decision for us.  We aren’t surprised that you chose heaven, I have heard it’s pretty incredible, but I really wish you had have stayed.  Earth could have been pretty fun too.

Daddy and I are so sad that you aren’t going to be staying with us.  This isn’t what we wanted, but we are so glad that we got to meet you just for a moment.  I am heartbroken that I never got to hear you cry or laugh or watch you fall sleep, but I loved every moment I spent with you, holding you and soaking it all in.

Life is really hard now that we have known you and had to say goodbye.  Our house feels empty without you and I feel like I have lost part of my purpose.  For the 24weeks I carried you, my life was all about you, keeping you safe and growing you to be strong, but now you are gone. We are trusting that Jesus has saved both you and us from something even more devastating, but right now, not having you here really stinks.  Even though I only knew you for a short time, part of me feels like I have known you my whole life and losing you has left a pretty big hole in my heart.

My precious and perfect Joshua, be strong and courageous, don’t be afraid, don’t be discouraged.  Remember the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.  We will try and be strong and courageous without you, we probably won’t be as convincing as you, but we will try.

Please know how much we love you and cherish you.  You are the best and most perfect thing your dad and I have ever created, or ever had the privilege of calling ours and we are so proud of you, every inch, every kick and every minute we had with you.

Thank you for making me a mummy,

I love you my sweet one.

Rest well,

Mummy