Tag Archives: Balance

What happened to Autum?

Posted in Life, Reese's Book Club, The List by

Well, look at this… I am on a roll! Four blogs in three weeks… outrageous… apparently this was all just lurking just under the surface… and I guess I have that pesky goal of writing 15 blogs this year so I needed to start writing!

This year feels like it has gone both incredibly fast and incredibly slowly all at the same time… and that the saying of “the days are long, but the years are short” has never been more true than in 2020. I think that compounding this is my ever-present sense of anticipation… that we still need to get the year going. I guess that I hadn’t really hit my stride before everything stopped… but it in all reality it probably won’t start again in 2020… not the way I want it to anyway… I can’t go back to the long days of summer and get stuck into some project as the weather turns and just work my way through winter… it’s already here… I am writing this in August… and it’s cold… but there is less to do than ever… but we will get into that a bit later. So while I feel like we should still be talking about summer BBQs and daylight savings, that’s actually long gone… and it’s time for another list update. A list update for the season that happened without me even noticing!

March

Things started to change in march for Melbourne… well probably for everywhere… but at home here in Melbourne we entered stage 3 restrictions for the first time to try and slow the spread of COVID 19… and we did a pretty good job for a while (let’s leave what happened in July for later). And because I have been fearful of all that COVID might mean for those around me and my little family, I welcomed the March lockdown wholeheartedly. I loved the idea of everyone just stopping so we could fix the problem and then get on with things. Whenever I have the option… that’s how I like to deal with my problems… to stop everything… fix it and move on. Of course, that’s not usually how life works… but it seemed that this time it might. I loved the idea of having Dave working from home too, that our little family would be gifted this season of uninterrupted togetherness. I had the internet to connect me to family and friends, but all I needed day to day was with me 100% of the time and it was wonderful. It truly was. In fact, that first period of lockdown might have actually contained some of my most treasured memories and moments.

But of course, the lockdown didn’t start until the middle of March… which meant we did manage to cross off a big community item before the rules all changed. We started March with the Monash Children’s Hospital Walk, which was our second ‘fun run’ for the year (no. 6, completed: 06/03). In January Dave and I had participated in the relief run a virtual event to raise money for the bushfire relief effort which meant our 10km around Jells Park was our second event for the year. Isaac even got to wear a cape and wore his medal with pride for the rest of the day.

In March I finished off my summer project of my yearly scrapbooks… I hadn’t worked on these since Joshua passed away, so there was a lot to do, but now they are up to date to the end of 2019 (no. 61, completed: 15/03)… which I am pretty happy about. I have a love-hate relationship with these scrapbooks… I love to look through them and reminisce, but collecting and remember and putting them together is a slog if I don’t stay on top of it.

Because I suffer from FOMO as much as the average bear, I got sucked into the iso-baking phenomenon pretty early on in lockdown… Dave and I did a big clean out of our pantry and worked out what meals we had already and what items we needed so that we could avoid going to the shops. During our clean out I discovered we had a lot of eggs that were on their way to the bin if we didn’t use them up… so we iso-baked meringues (no. 18, completed: 22/03) and Banana Bread (no. 89, completed: 24/03)… and a LOT of other things, but they were the two that also doubled as March list items.

My last list item in March is a pretty boring one… I counted off my third month of no games on my phone (no. 49, completed: 31/03)… it wasn’t as hard as it had been previously… and certainly helped keep my useless phone time down… but it’s not very exciting to write about… So there you go… 5 things off the list in March.

April

Once we had adapted to lockdown life… we hit our listing stride in April. Isaac crossed another two things off his list and I crossed 6 off mine… not a bad effort considering we didn’t really leave the house!

Dave and I choose to keep Isaac home from childcare so that those who needed to use it could and we weren’t adding to ours or their risk… but that meant I needed to step up my activity skills. I like order and structure and not much mess… well that’s not entirely true… I don’t mind making mess as long as I don’t have to clean it up… so messy play is usually reserved for childcare… where Isaac can make lots of mess without me panicking or having to pack up. But lockdown meant we had to make some changes but it also meant we were able to cross off no. 80 Paint a picture (completed: 28/04) and no. 51 Make some cookies with Isaac (completed: 25/04)… we made some ANZAC biscuits for ANZAC day… they were delish! We also were a bit more deliberate about physical activity… Isaac mastered jumping and scooting (no. 13, completed: 26/04 and no. 8, completed: 27/04 respectively) and Dave and I signed up for an exercise challenge with my brother and his family making us move every day… this eventually led to a Les Mills on-demand subscription… which in turn meant I could do exercise classes from the comfort of my lounge room (no. 87, completed: 04/04).

For my birthday we took some family photos in the backyard (no. 27, completed: 09/04) in which I wore a bright pink jumper that I had purchased in March but hadn’t been brave enough to wear (no. 78, completed: 09/04). I actually love it and it has brought some bright and happy vibes a few times during lockdown since.

We also got to watch a brand new Disney movie… not at the movies like I had planned, but again from the safety and comfort of our lounge room Dave and I watched Onward… and it was lovely in all the right Disney ways (no. 94 completed: 26/4).

May

May was a big month for us… Isaac crossed 3 things off his list and I crossed 5 things off mine. Which again considering we were only allowed to leave the house at the end of the month… it’s a pretty great effort.

The biggest list item for May was no. 2. Find a better work-life balance (completed 08/05). At the beginning of the year when I wrote the list I wasn’t sure what this would look like, but as 2020 would have it this item was done for me… At the end of April, I was told that my role at one of my jobs was being made redundant, the company was undergoing a merge with another company and my role was the first of many that would be a double up once the merge was finalised so… being on the taken over side of the company… my job was no longer needed. To be totally honest even though I knew this was a possibility until I was actually told, I hadn’t believed it. I loved the work that I was doing and I honestly thought I was bringing a lot to the table, and that maybe somehow I would be one of the lucky ones to hold on… but it was not to be… so on the 8th of May I had my last day there and went back to only being employed in one job, rather than the two I had been managing since returning to work after Isaac was born. I went from working 4+ days a week to a regular 2days… in theory… once schools went back… which gave me three weekdays with Isaac that I could be flexible with if I needed or wanted more work. And once I got over the disappointment of my role being made redundant I was quite excited about have some extra space in my life to be a mum… after all… they are only little once. Of course, this was all good provided that schools went back to onsite learning and Isaac went back to childcare… so for a few weeks between the end of May and the beginning of July I was pretty excited about the new balance I had found. Now that we are back in lockdown and there isn’t a huge amount of need for replacement teachers during online learning I have more at home life than I was planning, but I am looking at this as a positive too… although I will confess round 2 is much harder without the breaks that my two days of work provided in lockdown 1.

It turns out though that the extra time was good for listing… we drew pictures and completed puzzles (Isaac’s list no. 12, completed 10/05 and no. 17, completed 29/05). We toasted marshmallows in the fire pit in our front yard (no. 91, completed 16/05) which was a bit magical and way more fun than I had anticipated. I met my 3rd baby of the year (no. 20, completed 26/05) and I finished my 9th book (no. 7, completed 25/05) and that was before I managed to resurrect my original bookclub. This year’s books were a mixture of Reese Witherspoon’s Bookclub books from Hello Sunshine and some self-chosen books… here is the list so far:

  1. Conviction – Denise Mina (Reese’s Bookclub)
  2. Kings Cage – Victoria Aveyard
  3. Searching for Sunday – Rachel Held Evans
  4. Such a fun age – Kiley Reid (Reese’s Bookclub)
  5. The scent keeper – Erica Bauermeister (Reese’s Bookclub)
  6. The Jetsetters – Amanda Eyre Ward (Reese’s Bookclub)
  7. Dark Emu – Bruce Pascoe
  8. Autobiography of Jean Luc Picard
  9. Little Fires Everywhere – Celeste Ng

Since then I have also finished:

10. Jack Charles: Born Again Blakfella – Jack Charles
11. Where the Crawdads Sing – Delia Owens
12. The Guest List – Lucy Foley (Reese’s Bookclub)
13. Conversations with Friends – Sally Rooney (The original bookclub that’s back… it needs a name)
14. A Year of Biblical Womanhood – Rachel Held Evans
15. Educated – Tara Westover (The original bookclub… yep definitely needs a name)

Not a bad effort especially given it’s only August. Although I have found reading to be a great distraction from social media and news… and a good way to fall asleep…

This month Isaac also learnt how to take a photo on the iPhone.. and he is pretty cuffed with himself (no. 22, completed 16/05) and thanks to a very thoughtful Mothers Day gift I am now the proud owner of some reusable non-paper towels (no. 5, completed 10/5). This has shown me just how much paper towel I actually use… and that these non-paper ones are just as good. Although I might need a second batch…

So while I am not sure when Autumn happened… Apparently, it was choccas. Because on top of everything listed above there were also some fun celebrations too… Easter, including Isaac’s first easter egg hunt which was much more fun than even I could have anticipated, Mother’s Day complete with homemade gifts and cupcakes delivered to Mooma and both Nannas and my return to my first craft love… cross-stitch. And even though it has all felt like a bit of a false start, I will continue to look back on this season as one of my all-time favourites, despite its challenges.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Tension of Adjustment

Posted in Life by

Last weekend I experienced something profound… something I was not expecting, something that totally overwhelmed me and left me feeling both very appreciative, but also left me with a lot of questions.

I couldn’t tell you how many movies I’ve cried in… there are too many to count, I could probably think of a few that have left me in tears… usually sad tears that come out fear of shared experience or potential futures… but until last week, I don’t think I could have told you about a movie that left me uncontrollably sobbing in appreciation… it’s just never happened… not joyful, heartfelt appreciation.  But that’s what happened, and jeepers were the ugly tears… now there was probably a lot of contributing factors… I’ve been tired, Isaac has been a bit under the weather, we are adjusting to a new season of life in the George household and there are a lot of emotions around… just under the surface waiting for their chance to show… but I think these tears were that and more… the more being a true and deep appreciation of what those who have gone before me have really sacrificed and fought for so that I can whinge about it now in my 2019 reality.

So what did I see? I hear you screaming… Dave and I saw ‘On the Basis of Sex’ a movie about the life of Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg.  Who it turns out is a hero of mine… She is a woman who has spent her whole life standing up for herself and later the women of America.  She is a woman who despite being constantly told, she can’t, she shouldn’t, and she is unwelcome preserved and persisted.  A woman who knew her worth and that women in general were more capable than the lives they were encouraged and pigeoned holed into leading.  It is thanks to her that discrimination on the basis of sex is no longer just accepted in American law… and in many way, thanks to women like her that I can do all of the things that I do, have the jobs that I have and expectations on my life that I do.  It’s because of women like her (and many many others) that I can expect to co-parent and share the workload of my house, that I can work and not feel guilty about not being the full time carer for our son.

It’s no secret that I like to think of myself as an advocate for womens rights.  I would like to think that I actually do advocate… not just think about it.  But increasingly in my life I have found myself standing up against the female stereotype, that despite our modern age, continues to persist.  However, even though I would like to think of myself as progressive, I often catch myself longing for what many refer to as a ‘simpler time’ when all I was expected to do was stay at home and keep both the house and the children under control. A time where I would have known my role… to marry well and be satisfied… where my choices were limited.  But I know that for me this wouldn’t have been enough.  I am a terrible decision maker, but I like having options… I like that I get to choose whether or not that is the life that I want.  Now don’t hear me saying that being a stay at home mum isn’t a job… because it is more than a job… or that it is a bad choice, because it isn’t.  It’s only a bad choice when it’s your only choice… especially if that choice is just assumed and not actually chosen by you.  I know that I have more to offer than to be seen and not heard… and that I would never have been able to conform the way I would have been expected to had the ’1950s housewife’ expectation remained.

In watching ‘On the Basis of Sex’ I felt like I was able to get a glimpse into what it must have been like for so many women that have paved the way for me.  I often feel like I am still fighting the proverbial white man in many areas of my life, but let me tell you my fight is nothing in comparison to the fights that have gone before.  The overwhelming appreciation I have for Ruth and her counterparts I very hard to put in to words.  However, the movie also left me wondering… why hadn’t I known her story before this… who else should I know about, why don’t I have more female heroes in my life… where can I learn their stories… because there must be so so so many more.

This season we are in at the moment is hard… it’s not our hardest season, and it has not been made difficult by one particular thing, it’s just a season of adjustment.  Adjusting to new jobs and increased working hours for Dave, adjusting to picking up more days of my own work and returning to pre-baby work as well.  Adjusting to not being around Isaac all day everyday and learning how to deal with childcare… saying goodbye, organising drop offs and pick ups and allowing him and I to rest (me occasionally while he is at childcare and him after childcare because playing all day is very hard work).  Finding balance with work, money, fun, family and all the things that make up life.  Finding the balance between wanting to be everything for everyone and knowing that I can’t.  But these choices and these battles are also a privilege… these are choices that many women didn’t and still don’t have.  And why balancing all these options has been something I have really struggled with especially since becoming a mum, I have to remind myself how blessed I am to live in a time where I can do what I want to do, where my husband expects to play a role in our household and parenting which is more than just occasional dinner guest and sole provider.  And that my privilege still outweighs that of many people I encounter daily.  Nevertheless, there is still a tension here.  There is a tension between reality and expectations, tension between what was, and what is… and tension between what can be and what I want.  It’s the reality often seen in a good old Facebook quote… “You can do anything, but you can’t do everything” which is very true but hard to remember all of the time, and not always fun to live.  There has to be sacrifices eventually, but sacrificing time with Isaac to work doesn’t make me a bad mum, nor does sacrificing work to look after Isaac make me a bad feminist.  It’s all just about finding balance.

So my challenge in this season is to seek out some more information and wisdom from those women who have gone before me and those that are still around me, who have made this thing called motherhood work… to learn more about women like Ruth… because seriously what a boss!  But also to cut myself some slack… to be ok with the tension and growing pains of adjustment.  To be ok with feeling both happy and sad that Isaac is at childcare.  To embrace my ‘me’ time when I can so that I can be a better mum to him and a better person in general.