Every now and then, I think I am finally getting the hang of this parenting thing… I get through a few days in a row nailing the feeds, doing some exercise and even attempting some domestic life tasks during the middle of the day nap, that I am slowly learning how to make happen… and then comes a day that completely destroys the illusion of control… there are tears from Isaac and from me… there is no routine, no order and the house looks like a small hurricane has been through it as all the of the attempts for peace… toys, food, milk are scattered through every room of the house. That was week 25.
It has been my third week in a row without an appointment… and it is very very very strange. I suddenly have so much more time at home… I don’t seem to be rushing from one place to another… and although there have been times where I have felt isolated and a little lonely, for the most part it has felt empowering. I feel like I can actually get on top of some of the things I need to do. I have time to make food for Isaac and for Dave and I, I have time to go for long walks with Isaac, I have time to sit down and blog, because I had time to do the chores, so I don’t need to feel guilty about it. I have also realised that for me, the secret to not getting lonely when I have a day or a few days at home, is to make sure I’ve planned for it… that I know it is coming. That I have chosen to be at home… because if I am not ready for it, I hate it and that is when things fall apart… but when I plan for it… it’s the best.
In a strange way, now that I have been at home a bit more, I am beginning to feel like I am actually on maternity leave. I am actually able to start working out how to mum and live… I am finally finding my feet. Before this point, I had been waiting for something… which I guess, now that it is here, is just time… time for me to choose what to do with. Time to enjoy Isaac and not just survive between appointments. Time to choose who we see and actually be able to offer to do things and go places without having to work out where to fit it in… This is what I had imagined it would be like when I was still pregnant with Isaac, and even though it will be a much shorter period than I would have liked, I am glad we made it to this point before I have to go back to work.
So what have we been doing with our gift of time? Well, Dave and I cleaned out the study, so that I have my desk back, which I means I can sit here and type in a fun purpose built space just for me, rather than on the couch where I get immediately distracted. I finally used my slow cooker. We were given the slow cooker as a wedding present over 7 years ago… Dave has used it… but this is the first time I have… and I love it… I am a slow cooker convert. I have even started googling the best way to tackle some condensation mold we have on some window sills. I have also been contributing a little more with all the other household chores… and even though it’s never my first instinct. I like the feeling of accomplishing the tasks and the clean house it leaves behind… especially now that I am spending a lot more time here.
This week we also used the last of the frozen breastmilk… I stopped expressing back in April, but thanks to a period of greater supply than demand while Isaac was in hospital, we were able to stockpile. At one stage we had three freezers full of the liquid gold as it is often called. But, now it has all been used. The last bits were spread out over a number of months as Isaac only has the breastmilk when we are at home… and previously we hadn’t been home all that much… but now it’s over to solids and formula. I am a bit sad that it is all gone. It felt like it would last forever… but I am thankful that I was able to be able to make it and that he tolerated it… the female body is pretty gross… I mean great… it’s totally great!
We also farewelled Matt and Fee at their final service at Hobson’s Bay corps before they move. Isaac and I caught up with my high school buddies and their kiddies, and I was reminded how blessed I am to be able to call this group of crazy strong women my friends. We had dinner at Dave’s mum’s and I thoroughly enjoyed watching Isaac with his Grandma and Grandpa, Auntie Ness and Uncle Hugh… family is so so so good. We practiced our sitting and rolling and I can finally say Isaac can both sit (no. 22 on his list) and roll*… (*at least in one direction). And on Saturday morning Dave, Isaac and I tackled ArtVo at the Docklands… which is made by some supper supper clever people. It is something that I have wanted to do for a while, thanks to all the fun photos I have seen on other peoples social media… so we finally made it out there and it didn’t disappoint… it was great and we have so many fun photos from it. Plus it is now off the list.
So there you go… that’s week 25.
Hello week 24, and thank you! You have been just what I needed. After getting back from Brisbane on Monday, I think it is safe to say that we were all stuffed! So this week has thankfully been very low key… I have been trying not to go out too much so that Isaac can sleep in his own bed during the day and we can focus on getting our solid meals in… three of them plus his milk feeds.
It’s been really nice to be a bit of a homebody… something I didn’t really expect. When I found myself in a similar situation last week, I found it all a little disconcerting. Having nothing planned felt uncomfortable, but this week it has been refreshing and restoring. I feel a little more on top of my motherhood list… the food situation seems to be improving and I am getting the hang of a couple of regular naps and I’m trying to make the most of Isaac’s awake time rather than just spending it wondering if he should be having a nap. One of the benefits of the big weekend has been a tired little boy, so the naps have been a little longer this week which has meant I have had some time to try and catch up on some blogging, which has also been wonderful.
But we haven’t spent the whole week at home, we also did a couple of fun things. On Thursday and Friday Isaac and I checked out the updated Glen shopping centre… firstly with mother’s group and then with my mum. After mother’s group on Thursday night Isaac and I went to the brand new woollies to grab some food for dinner, I also decided that despite having a loaded up pram with Isaac and the groceries I had already gathered, I could indeed manage a slab of diet coke as well, seeing as though they were on sale. When I made it to self serve to pay I started with the coke so that I could put it down ready to carry to the car once I had organised everything else. As I swung the slab up to the scanner, the side feel out and cans went everywhere. Some busted open creating small puddles of diet coke and showering Isaac and I in a fine diet coke mist… he thought it was hilarious… I was mortified and quickly asked someone to come and help… we went back and got a more secure box and thankfully made it home without another incident… but it wasn’t quite the quick shopping experience I had expected. But as a fun side effect, now every time Dave or I make the noise of a fizzing can Isaac giggles.
We also had dinner with two lots of very good friends, one as a goodbye, and the other as a welcome home. On Friday, we had dinner with our friends Rachel and Dustin… their’s was the welcome home as they have just returned from a holiday. We had such a nice night, delicious food, great company and an open fire… perfect for a freezing cold Melbourne Friday night. Earlier in the week, on Tuesday, we had dinner with our friends Matt and Fee before they head over to Canada for a couple of years for work. Matt and Fee have been friends of ours for a very long time. In fact, I think Fee might have been one of the first people I confessed my love of Dave to when I was still a teenager, so it seems appropriate that she was the one that conducted our Wedding a few years later. They are the type of friends that keep you accountable and check in to make sure you are spiritually on track. Every time I hang out with them I come away thinking about how intentional I am in my faith and devotions and what I need/want to be doing better in that area of my life. Every time we hang out with them there is also a lot of laughing, they are super fun. This visit was no different, and while it might be the last one we will have on this side of the world for a while, I know that the distance and the change in chapter won’t really change our friendship. We will miss them a lot, but the world doesn’t seem that small any more thanks to the power of the internet (which I still think is kind of magic).
On Saturday we used some gold class vouchers to go to the movies and because it was an unplanned adventure, we took Isaac with us. We saw Incredibles 2, which means that Isaac and I, both got to cross seeing a Disney movie with each other off our lists (no. 17 on Isaac’s list and no. 71 on mine). He was a dream, watching at least half (the beginning and then end) and having a nice nap in the middle… seriously this kid is a superstar! I also crossed no. 1 off my list this week, using my time at home to conquer folding fitted sheets… so far I have only attempted Isaac’s cot and bassinet sheets, but they are still fitted and I feel like I have done enough that I could transfer my new skills over to a real size fitted sheet!
Thanks week 24 for letting us breathe again.
Um… excuse me… but did you know Brisbane is beautiful? Seriously it is amazing… and that’s not just my frosted Melbourne heart talking. 23degrees in winter, beautiful buildings, incredible public spaces and it’s so clean. I love Melbourne, but Brisbane, it turns out is pretty great.
Dave, Isaac and I have just spent the long weekend up in Brisbane with the Salvo Big Band, Dave playing his Alto Sax (and a little bit of Clarinet) and me singing. We also had my Mum come up with us to help us take care of Isaac when both Dave and I were needed in the band… she was a total life saver. This trip not only crossed number 8 off Isaac’s list but it was also my first proper band tour. Previously I had travelled with the band to Sweden for the Salvation Army’s World Youth Convention in 2010 where the band performed but we also attended the convention. Since then we have missed a couple of trips due to our untimely trips into hospital, so in the lead up to this weekend I had been playing it very safe… determined not to end up missing out again.
The weekend was full on, with back to back gigs, but just like any camp or trip when you get to spend more time with people than you usually would it was also wonderful. There is something really nice about seeing people all day everyday, experiencing new places and events with them and getting to share your gifts and talents in combination with theirs and present them to people for the first time.
I find it really hard to write blogs like this without it quickly becoming my dreaded grade 5 journal piece… so in an attempt to avoid that I have summed it up into 5 little highlights… 5 might seem like a lot, but it was actually pretty hard to do.
1. Catch ups with family
I am lucky enough to be part of a big family… my mum is one of 6 kids and for as long as I can remember I have had at least one uncle/auntie living interstate or overseas. My Uncle Ken and Auntie Marg live in Brisbane, so it was the perfect opportunity to have a quick catch up between sets.
2. Singing in public
Before our first performance on Saturday morning I hadn’t really given my role in the band a lot of thought. I had spent the week worrying about what I needed to take for myself and for Isaac. What the days would look like and what I needed to have ready for mum so that taking care of Isaac would be as easy as possible. I hadn’t thought about what I would be doing or where it would be happening from a personal performance perspective. I love to sing, really love to sing… and I love to sing with the Big Band, but I am often very quick to dismiss my contribution. I am not a trained singer as such, but have spent my life singing in church. Getting up in front of people I know and singing is usually more daunting that singing in front of those I don’t know… but when you put me out in the open… that’s another kettle of fish. Our first gig was in Queen Street Mall, right in the heart of Brisbane CBD. We performed after the Navy Band which made me a little more nervous than I would have liked, but I got up there and I sang, and more importantly I held my own. At the end of the weekend, after I had sung in the city, at a concert Fassifern, sung and lead worship at Carindale Salvation army and performed at both Westfield Garden City and Nudgee Secondary College, I was reminded that even just getting up to talk at many of these places is a huge deal for lots of people, for lots of reasons. Being able to sing, and sing well, is huge. I didn’t sing it all perfectly, and thankfully in jazz you can get away with some of that, but even just the fact that I had the courage to perform in such a public place is pretty amazing… and to my amazement, people seemed to enjoy it… I am pretty chuffed.
and his Nanna
Where do I start with this? A couple of months before we left my mum made a through away comment about coming to Brisbane with us to help with Isaac… Dave and I heard her and thought that actually that would be really helpful and rang her to find out if she was serious. Turns out she was… so up to QLD she came and my goodness me, was it great to have her there. One thing about having a baby that I haven’t quite adapted to yet is the fact that they need someone with them all the time… which means on a trip like this if Dave and I are both performing we need someone to look after him, or one of us doesn’t perform. Believe it or not, I can get very distracted by people, especially when I am in performance mode… which is not ideal when your husband is packing up his instruments and you are supposed to parenting. But having mum with us to fill the gaps, and more, was beyond amazing. Plus it was really nice to watch Isaac and her together… Isaac really loves his Nanna.
4. Nudgee College
On our final day of the trip the band spent some time at St Joseph’s Nudgee College. While we were we put on a concert and workshop for the grade 5 students. In the workshop the instrumental musicians from the band were dispersed through the schools grade 5 band to help them learn the new jazz techniques they were learning. It was so nice… actually I think pure joy is a better description to hear the difference in the band and watch the faces of the students as they achieved things they didn’t think they would be able to. Watching kids learn is one of my all time favourite things to do… wonder is an incredible gift.
5. Remembering why
This weekend has also been a really good reminder as to why I am in the big band. The Salvo Big Band has a really unique opportunity to meet people in places that other salvo groups may not be able to go. To witness and bring the gift of music to people from all walks of life and to share in worship with corps and salvationists in places and in a style that is different from the everyday. The Band’s purpose is to shine light… and that’s what I think we have done this weekend… shone light, in both dark places and light places, but still light.
So that was my long weekend… now I need some sleep… well at least I can hope for sleep… I still have to parent 🙂
Week 20 has been intense… not a constant, full on intense… just an undercurrent of lots happening. It started with Mother’s Day… this Mother’s day wasn’t my first mother’s day but in many ways it felt like it. This time last year we had one angle in heaven and baby Isaac secretly growing. Last year we spent the day telling our mum’s about our new little one on the way, and to be honest it was a nice distraction from the reality of the day. I found it hard to feel like a mum when Josh wasn’t there… I received lots of well wishes but for most of the day I just wanted to pretend that I wasn’t a mum, because it was easier and I didn’t feel like I was. I know that having a baby earth side doesn’t make me any more of a mum now, but last year I just felt like a bit of a fraud… like I was celebrating a day that wasn’t really for me. This year it felt a whole lot more real… being able to carry Isaac around, almost like a badge of honour on the day. It was such a different experience from before. We had brunch together, I got thrown up on a few times, and we had dinner with my mum. Isaac also made some Keepsake for His Grandma, Nanna and Nanna Naz.
Monday was Dave and I’s 7th wedding anniversary… 7 years… and so much adventure. It’s crazy to think that we are still only really at the beginning and there will be hopefully many more lots of 7years to come. I have told you all many times how wonderful Dave is and it is still true. Marrying him is still the best decision I have ever made and the last 2 years have just proved this over and over again. On Monday we received some pretty scary news that my Grandmother was very very unwell and that she needed a miracle, so instead of meeting him for lunch at school, he came home in his lunch break and played with Isaac so that I could have moment to myself, shower and work out what to do next. Over the last 7 years I have truely learnt the meaning of many of the vows that we made 7 years ago… in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad… he is my go to, my best friend, my greatest supporter and the love of my life.
So all that happened in the first 2 days of week 20… the rest of the week remained busy… with a undercurrent of anxiety and fear that I couldn’t quite shake… but we did make time for some fun things, like ramping up our efforts on getting Isaac to try solids… I still haven’t mastered my home cooking yet and everything that I do make for Isaac is usually rejected in a generous display of fake gaging… so I am thanking Jesus for pre-made baby food at the moment because he loves it… well most of it… we will work on the home made stuff once he progresses past the puree stage. We also took a trip to costco which is always fun. We had a couple of appointments for Isaac and the biggest small thing we did this week was get the light fixed in our bedroom. We broke the light fitting when we tried to upgrade it… and while Dave was in Mt Gambier I broke the blockout blind and it has been stuck fully down… so our room has been very dark for what feels like forever… but has really only been a week and a bit… but now the light is fixed and it is magical… such a simple thing… so much joy… now we just have to get the blind fixed.
We finished the week with a 6km walk which was a fundraiser for World Vision held at Dave’s School. Why 6km… because that’s the average distance people in the developing world walk for water that is usually contaminated… While we weren’t so great with the fundraising ourselves the school did a great job and our registration fees provided clean water for one person each which is pretty great. We walked 6km so they wouldn’t have to anymore. It’s only a small thing, but again it brings a heck of a lot of joy to me… and the person with clean water.
Oh and Isaac graduated from the capsule to a real car seat… which doesn’t sound like a big deal, but it means my tiny baby isn’t so tiny anymore.
So we made it through week 20… let’s hope week 21 is a little lighter on the soul.
Week 10 has been MASSIVE… listing, family fun, MASSIVE…
On Sunday Dave, Isaac and I participated in our first fun run for the year (no. 38 on the list), the Monash Children’s Hospital walk at Jells Park and for some unknown reason I decided we should sign up for the 10km… which is much further than I have walked for over a year and a bit… I think I when we were signing up, I had had grand plans of a glorious Parkrun return that would have been in full swing weeks before and that if we were going to do a fun run we should push ourselves… so 10km it had to be. We made it, just… I might have been a bit slow for the rest of the week, but we made it… and Isaac was pretty proud of himself. It was also nice to give back to the hospital that has given us so much.
We also finished the week with more things being crossed of the list, we are currently down at Inverloch for the long weekend with the Salvo Big Band for the Inverloch Jazz Festival and being in Inverloch is no. 9 on the list and I touched the ocean (no. 95) when we took Isaac down to the beach for the first time. In fact I even went for a swim. I am not sure Isaac loved it, but he didn’t hate it… which I think for a babies first trip to the beach is a win. It also crossed no. 19 of Isaac’s List.
Between our listing expeditions on the weekends we spent a lot of time back the hospital for follow up appointments, physios, respitatory teams, and neonatologists. We also went back to the Maternal Child Health Nurse. We also had lunch with Grandma Meg which is also fun.
Oh and last week we reached the magic time in parenthood when Isaac started sleeping through the night (no. 15 on his list)… but in fear of jinxing it I kept it to this week to tell you all… it’s magic.