Our Curious Life: Week 6

 

 

 

Wow… week 6, what the heck? How did we get here? To be honest as I sit down to type this I can’t remember what we did this week… maybe we can work it out together.

This week was also filled with friends, we had lunch with my work bestie and her partner and super cute little girl, we caught up with some of my high school besties and we caught up with my mum and avoided the heat with a day at the shops.  We walked a lot, including a return to parkrun yesterday… which felt much earlier than I remembered, but it was good to be back nevertheless. and we had a lot of appointments.

On Monday night I went back to choir… which in the craziness of 2017 never got mentioned.  It’s a choir that was formed out of  a one off performance I was part of to celebrate a teacher at my high school.  Since then it has become a legit thing and I was attending weekly until I ended up in hospital before Isaac was born.  So going back this week feels pretty great.  Plus it fills me with all the school nerd feels!  At choir I also received a copy of some family photos we had taken by the lovely Georgia from Allegro Photography. Which means no. 6 can now be officially crossed off the list.  The photos turned out so beautifully… thanks Georgia.

This week Isaac also got good reports from the physio, dietitian and the respiratory team… so good in fact we are off day time oxygen!  AMAZING!!!  It is so strange not to have him attached to the tank and I think it is going to take some adjusting on my part to trust him without it.  Dave and I have done a few little outings to help me get used to the idea… but it has been 6 months of life with oxygen… it will take time.  It is so fun though being able to walk away from the pram, the bassinet, the car… everything without having to worry about where the cord is.  He is free… well at least during the day.  Seriously… yesterday we left the pram in the car while we attended a first birthday party… we just had us, Isaac and the nappy bag… so so so strange.

We also re-attempted story time, although we went to a different library and with some buddies and it was so much better… library story time is back on the list of things we like to do… as long as we have a buddy and a coffee date booked for after.

Turns out week 6 was quite eventful… bring on week 7.

Our Curious Life: Week 5

Far out week 5, you have been busy… seriously busy!  This week has been full of people… which if you ask me is a great way to spend any week.  We started with the Thrive BBQ on Sunday, where we survived the crazy hot weather with 30ish other Thrivers swimming, eating and watching the tennis and we finished the week celebrating a beautiful bride to be. During week 5 we brunched and lunched with Mum, Lorraine, Clare, Jess, Dave and some of my work mates on Monday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday… I love brunchy lunches the most, if my waist line and my hip pocket would allow all of my weeks would look like this. Oh and all that brunching meant no. 94 is off the list because I also love an iced coffee.

This week also brought some new ‘mum’ things for us… I went to my first mothers group (no.45), which I actually loved.  I had been so nervous about attending, because despite being fairly out going, I find new situations, especially new social situations quite unnerving.  I had also pinned a few local community hopes on having a good mum’s group.  When Dave and I moved house we moved to a suburb where we didn’t know that many people, and despite some intentional effort we have found that most of our life still exists back in blackburn… we have made some more local friends through Dave’s work, but this was my chance to find some more local community, which meant that mother’s group had a lot of pressure on it.  It had always been something coming… and now that it was here, I was really feeling it… it also didn’t help that they had given me the wrong date so I was joining on week 2… but now that it is done I am hopeful, it was good… and I think it will just get better.  My fellow mums were super lovely, and very understanding.  They were interested in how Isaac and I were going and hearing about his journey without making me feel different.  It was just really nice.

We also tried story time at the library this week, which after my mothers group experience was the total opposite… we didn’t love it, which was super disappointing because I had really been looking forward to it.  I think that there were a couple of reasons we were disappointed…

1. Our expectations were really high… probably too high, it was probably unfair to expect them to be met.

2. I don’t think I had really thought about what would happen at story time and the fact that I wouldn’t be able to explain the fact that Isaac is well and actually really good… instead people would just see me and a baby with oxygen prongs and a tank… People meant well, but there were lots of looks of pity, which we don’t need… we are smashing this…

3. I didn’t have a buddy… I should not have gone alone… also something that I didn’t think about… but at the end when all the other mums found their friends and went and got coffee… the fact that we weren’t the same was really just confirmed… we were outsiders… sure I was probably being a little sensitive, but it was pretty lonely… next week we will story time with some buddies

4. It was also the first time we went into a group where people hadn’t journeyed with us, they didn’t know our story, where we had come from, what had happened… they just saw Isaac’s bonus attachments and filled in the blanks.  We have been so blessed to have so so many wonderful people surround us over the past 2 years, who have just taken us as we are, loved us through the good, the bad and the really hard and who haven’t pitied us, or made comments or made us feel different… so I guess I just assumed story time would be the same… especially after being so pleasantly surprised by mothers group… but I guess the saying is true… you should never assume.

So… we are not riding story time off just yet… but we will make some adjustments and try again… hopefully we will have weaned down the oxygen enough that we can leave it behind… we will find some story time buddies… and really even though it wasn’t quite what we had hoped it still crossed no. 12 off Isaac’s list and no. 18 and I think no. 26 off my list, as we did all of our outings this week with a tank attached (and we got an early delivery of tanks so I had to swap the regulator over before we left the house)… but I only have two pictures to show.. because Isaac and I have the same photo for no. 12 and no. 18.

In happier week 5 news… we survived a whole week with Dave at work and we started a new month which means January is over, here is what it looked like in pictures:

And… Isaac is now 6moths old… check him out… At 6 months he loves to smile and kick his legs.  He loves bath time and splashing with Daddy and he is slowly weaning down off his Oxygen and tolerating his hip brace like a superstar!  What a champion!

Thanks week 5

Our Curious Life: Week 4

 

 

 

Ok… so I am slowly getting the hang of this weekly blogging thing… I am still a little behind in terms of publishing, but so far I am really enjoying it.  So how did week four pan out… well let me tell you.

Week four started with some goodbyes… our NZ fam headed back across the ditch.  It has been so nice being able to catch up with them over the last couple of weeks.  They remind me why family is family, we can go years without seeing each other, with just phone calls, emails and of course good old facebook, but when we do catch up it is easy and lovely… it’s the way it should be.  It’s been really nice to watch them with Isaac… the beginning of the next generation of George… and it has shown me that there is a heck of a lot of George in him…seriously… just check out these four…

On Tuesday Dave went back to work and I got to re-try being at home with out him… and I am pretty proud of how we managed… yep it has only been three days because Friday was a public holiday… but it feels very different from the end of term four last year.  There have been no phone calls in tears wanting him to come home, Isaac has been feed and changed and I have pumped, showered and eaten successfully all three days which feels like a win to me.  Of course it also helps that he is a little more interactive this time, and I had 6 weeks over summer with an extra pair of hands to help me get used to it and build up some confidence.  But I am not as terrified about this coming week as I was this time last week.

We got spoilt on Thursday with the worlds cutest vans, delicious bakery treats, flowers and cuddles and good chats with our friend Pheebs… she is a winner and a half.

And on Friday I didn’t struggle with Australia day as much as I usually do… I still feel the same about it and we should definitely change the date… but I think the fact that I didn’t have the day ‘off” as a holiday, it didn’t feel any different from other days, so I could let my self relax as I wasn’t ‘celebrating’.  We did use the day to swim in the pool at dad’s again… and this time I remembered to take a photo, so I was able to officially cross it off the list!

Oh and this week I also added Isaac’s hand and foot prints to my necklace… no. 72 on the list.

So there you go, week 4 over and out.

Our Curious Life: Week 3

 

 

 

This third week of 2018 has continued to be filled with friends, family and the good things about summer… and just like last week it has also been another good week for the list.  This week also brought the return of appointments for Isaac and one last effort to get things done before Dave goes back to work.

I am still getting the hang of how to write these blogs without them sounding like a lame diary entry… so this time I think we will start with the list items that were achieved… This week we managed to cross another 3 things off… but only one of them has photos ready to go…  We had some family photos taken (no. 6) which I actually wore non-maternity jeans for, which is technically crossing no. 20 off as well, but they were only on for the photos and I am definitely not committed to making it a regular thing… maybe in winter, so we will leave it on there for now.  I wore something other than a black t-shirt for the whole week… yep… I did (no. 98).  And most excitingly, this week we finished Isaac’s room (no. 63) and I am really happy with how it turned out.

When Isaac was born, Dave and I were very unprepared… because Joshua was only 24 weeks old when he was born we were desperate to make it to 26 weeks with Isaac.  At 24 weeks mums and dads have to make lots of really hard decisions, decisions about treatments, resuscitation, viability and quality of life… things that no one ever really thinks about when starting a family, and decisions that they are not really emotionally prepared to handle when they are asked at such an awful time… when you realise things are not going as you planned…  At 26 weeks, the babies are what the doctors term viable… that means they are more likely to live than die… it still doesn’t factor in quality of life… but because they can live, the choices are usually made by the doctors, rather than the panicked mum and dad…  So 26 weeks became our goal… but given our recent experiences, I was not willing to plan for him or make room for him in our house until after the 26week mark because I didn’t want to have to pack it away if we also lost him.  So… when Isaac decided 26weeks exactly was his cue… we had nothing… well not nothing, nothing, we had some clothes and nappies that we had been given or brought in preparation for Josh… but we had limited ‘big ticket items’, and the ones we had purchased were still in boxes in the garage.  We had a flat packed chest of draws and a chair… we had no cot, no change table, no car seat, no pram… nothing we actually needed when coming home from the hospital… Isaac’s room was still full of stuff… the overflow of our house… and I had not yet removed the old wall decal from the previous home owners or painted over the green and purple walls… we were not ready, because we thought we would either have no time… or lots more time.

So between hospital visits we brought the items we needed, cleared out the room, painted and then started putting it together… and then he came home from hospital… and it still wasn’t quite done… He has now been home for 66 days… and we have finally added the finishing touches, his shelves and the wall decal… and it is now my favourite room in the house.  I often just wonder in and look at it…  It makes the whole house feel more complete and in a small way, having this finished, feels like the proper end to waiting to bring home our baby chapter… that we can now really embrace life with him… because he is here and he isn’t going anywhere.

My favourite bit of the room is his bookshelf… I don’t know why I love it so much… but I really really do…

This week we also had to say goodbye to K as she headed back to London… we always hate doing this.  But we did get to spend some more time with our NZ fam before they head back this week… so this weeks been bitter sweet.

Oh and in Isaac news, this week we continued slowly weaning his oxygen yay!… but had to go and buy some bigger clothes, because he has a new accessory for a little while… a hip harness… but to make him (and by him I mean mummy) feel better, we extended our Disney book library…

Yesterday we finished our week with a garden engagement party for my little brother Jake and his fiancé Amy-Ruth… which is a pretty nice way to end a week. They had the garden looking magical… and what is not to love about love?

So there you go… week 3…

Our Curious Life: Week 2

Week 2 has been a week of friends, family and the good things about summer… It has also been another good week for the list.  In fact, even Isaac was able to cross something his first list.

We started this week with great food, beautiful sunshine and good friends as we learnt how to barefoot bowl at my sister in law’s Hen’s… and despite having a few family members that are quite good at bowling… my skills left a lot to be desired.  We then continued to celebrate Ness and our new skills (even if they remained poor) at a roof top bar with delicious tapas.  And… seeing as Dave was a Bridesman, our whole family was able to spend the afternoon together… it was a pretty great way to start a week.  Learning a new game also meant that we crossed no. 39. Play a Game of some kind, off the list.

I fully embraced the fact that my bestie has been home for Christmas, so we made the most of her presence with walks, dinners and a delicious brunch at our favourite local Half Half.   At brunch Isaac got to cross his first thing off the list as he hung out with his ladies and loved every minute.  He also got to wear his new jeans which match his Aunty K’s.  (I also got to brunch with my besties and given that one of them is hard to brunch with living in London… we both got to cross this off on the same day, so Isaac’s picture is with K).

We won a donut wall to use to celebrate Isaac’s birthday later in the year… so keep an eye out for that…

We hung out with family for take out, afternoon tea and post holiday catch ups, making the most of the pre-wedding celebrations and hanging out with family that have flown across the ditch from NZ.

We finished the week off with Ness’ wedding.  The wedding was the perfect nod to her and her partner… now husband, relaxed, fun and a little bit surprising.  There is no one else I know that could have embraced a torrential downpour through your whole wedding as well as these guys did.  Not only did they just go with it, but the enjoyed it and helped us to enjoy it to… because who would have a thought that a wedding in the middle of January could be quite that wet.

We also made he most of the glorious… although occasionally way to hot weather, with lots of family walks… the fit pig is back… but I think I need to do a few more walks before I can actually cross it off the list.  So there you go week 2… a little bit like a primary school diary entry… but I will get better at it.

Dear Isaac

Dear Isaac,

Today is the day we had planned to meet you… well on paper anyway. It was the day we were hoping for, the day that would have meant we had made it to full term this time round… but today you are 98 days old… 14 weeks… or 40 weeks corrected.

There are so many things that I want you to know, but the most important is that I love you and I am so super proud of you. Even though this isn’t the path we would have chosen, I wouldn’t give any of my 14 bonus weeks back. You are strong, brave and very clever and there is nothing that you can not overcome. You are a little warrior.

It has been hard to watch you fight these battles, but I have done it with confidence knowing how determined and stubborn you are and that you are fearfully and wonderfully made by someone who loves you even more than I do. I have also not done it alone… your dad is pretty amazing… and more tolerant than I ever gave him credit for. You have held us together when we thought our world was falling apart again.

Watching you grow has blown my mind… you are so great… I have never been more excited about someone gaining weight or pooping… but I guess that’s an unspoken joy of parenthood. I love watching you learn, get stronger and develop knew skills… I also really like the in built stuff… like hand holding and the best burps I have ever heard.

I love holding you, chatting to you and singing to you… and even though I though I had quite the repertoire, I have learnt that humming works just as well when the lyrics slip from your brain.

I love your little personality, your dramatic throat clearing, your extreme strain face, your skeptical looks, your sneaky peeks, your super wide eyes and your excellent wind smiles… I love it all.

Actually it turns out I am so glad that I didn’t have to wait until today, I am glad we have already spent three months together! I can’t wait to take you home, show you off and just be able to hang out with you all the time… I can’t not wait until I don’t have to leave you behind each night… but I know it will be soon enough, because you are such a mini champion that you will be out of there in no time.

Happy due date buddy! You are a superstar! Thanks for my bonus three months!

I love you,

Love Mummy

One

Dear Joshua,

Hi mate, it’s mummy here. It’s been a long time since I wrote you a letter but today would have been your 1st birthday, so I thought it was time to write again.

To be honest, it’s been really hard to write to you, losing you has left a huge hole in mummy’s heart and while it has been mending slowly, it will never be quite the same again. Since knowing and losing you, I am now afraid of things I had never thought were even possible, but I know how to love deeper and with a fierceness that I didn’t know I had.  As I sit here at Monash Medical Centre writing this from the same place we met you one year ago, it’s overwhelming.  I miss you so much and really wish you could have stayed.  I wanted to watch you grow and to see what kind of man you would have become. I am pretty sure you would have been a champion, with your defiance and determination… you would have been unstoppable!

For a little while this year I have had to try not to think about you for too long, because a lot has happened in the past 12months… and remembering has made it scary and hard… You now have a baby brother, Isaac, and even though he has helped mummy heal, he isn’t you. I know that there is no way I could have ever had both of you on earth at the same time, but I really wish it could have been possible somehow.  That you could have stayed, and that you and Isaac could have grown up together.

While mummy was carrying Isaac she couldn’t look at pictures of you, or wear the necklace she had made with your hands and foot prints because they reminded her of how hard it would be to lose him too.  I’m sorry I couldn’t wear my reminder of you all the time… but now that he is here I think about you a lot. I think about how similar the two of you are, what you might have been like if you had stuck around and how much I have learnt from knowing you.

You, my dear boy, have taught me how much I wanted to be a Mum. It took me a little while to get there and you were a big price to pay, but losing you made me realise how ready I actually was, and how much I had wanted to complete our family.

You have taught me that life is hard, but even in the darkest times there are beautiful moments, like holding you, singing to you, and kissing your tiny nose.  That we are loved by so many, and that even though your wider family is very large and a bit messy, this family of ours is supportive and reliable and even more important than I had ever realised.

You have taught me to be stronger, to hold on, and to hope even when it isn’t easy. You have taught me to trust and because of you my faith is deeper and more real. I know I will see you again and I know there was a purpose for you coming and going… but I just have to wait, heaven is not so far.  You have taught me that I can get up in the morning, even if I need daddy to help me… and that the sun will shine and I can get through the day… even when it is really hard… thanks for the beautiful wether today to remind me.

Because of you I got to watch your dad become a great dad and an even better husband. He is so much stronger, more faithful and loving than I knew before this.  You have made us an even better team.

You have taught me I am not alone, since losing you I have spoken to, heard from and read about so many other women and families that have been through this grief of losing something so precious. That as ugly as it is, 5 babies are born sleeping everyday in Australia, a country with the best medical care and resources… and this is a stat that still breaks mum’s heart.  You have made me advocate and encouraged me to speak out about heartache and loss so that hopefully no other babies have to go too soon, and no other mummies are left with empty arms.

But most importantly my sweet baby boy, you have made me a better Mum. Because I loved you first, I hold Isaac tighter, I speak up when I am worried and I don’t take any of it for granted.  You have taught me that I could do it… that I was made to be a Mum.  Of course because I now know that precious little boys can be taken away, I am scared, but I am holding on to him with all that I am. I tell him all about you and I know you have been watching over him, because there is no way he would have known to go limb first without your cheeky influence.  You two would have gotten into all kinds of trouble together.

Today daddy and I will visit Isaac, but then we will go and have some pink donuts and a Turkish delight milkshake and think about you… how you made us parents, how you taught us to love and together we will try to work out how we go on without you for another year.

I love you little one and I miss you,

Sleep well precious boy,

Love mummy.