What happened to Autum?

Posted in Life, Reese's Book Club, The List by Em

Well, look at this… I am on a roll! Four blogs in three weeks… outrageous… apparently this was all just lurking just under the surface… and I guess I have that pesky goal of writing 15 blogs this year so I needed to start writing!

This year feels like it has gone both incredibly fast and incredibly slowly all at the same time… and that the saying of “the days are long, but the years are short” has never been more true than in 2020. I think that compounding this is my ever-present sense of anticipation… that we still need to get the year going. I guess that I hadn’t really hit my stride before everything stopped… but it in all reality it probably won’t start again in 2020… not the way I want it to anyway… I can’t go back to the long days of summer and get stuck into some project as the weather turns and just work my way through winter… it’s already here… I am writing this in August… and it’s cold… but there is less to do than ever… but we will get into that a bit later. So while I feel like we should still be talking about summer BBQs and daylight savings, that’s actually long gone… and it’s time for another list update. A list update for the season that happened without me even noticing!

March

Things started to change in march for Melbourne… well probably for everywhere… but at home here in Melbourne we entered stage 3 restrictions for the first time to try and slow the spread of COVID 19… and we did a pretty good job for a while (let’s leave what happened in July for later). And because I have been fearful of all that COVID might mean for those around me and my little family, I welcomed the March lockdown wholeheartedly. I loved the idea of everyone just stopping so we could fix the problem and then get on with things. Whenever I have the option… that’s how I like to deal with my problems… to stop everything… fix it and move on. Of course, that’s not usually how life works… but it seemed that this time it might. I loved the idea of having Dave working from home too, that our little family would be gifted this season of uninterrupted togetherness. I had the internet to connect me to family and friends, but all I needed day to day was with me 100% of the time and it was wonderful. It truly was. In fact, that first period of lockdown might have actually contained some of my most treasured memories and moments.

But of course, the lockdown didn’t start until the middle of March… which meant we did manage to cross off a big community item before the rules all changed. We started March with the Monash Children’s Hospital Walk, which was our second ‘fun run’ for the year (no. 6, completed: 06/03). In January Dave and I had participated in the relief run a virtual event to raise money for the bushfire relief effort which meant our 10km around Jells Park was our second event for the year. Isaac even got to wear a cape and wore his medal with pride for the rest of the day.

In March I finished off my summer project of my yearly scrapbooks… I hadn’t worked on these since Joshua passed away, so there was a lot to do, but now they are up to date to the end of 2019 (no. 61, completed: 15/03)… which I am pretty happy about. I have a love-hate relationship with these scrapbooks… I love to look through them and reminisce, but collecting and remember and putting them together is a slog if I don’t stay on top of it.

Because I suffer from FOMO as much as the average bear, I got sucked into the iso-baking phenomenon pretty early on in lockdown… Dave and I did a big clean out of our pantry and worked out what meals we had already and what items we needed so that we could avoid going to the shops. During our clean out I discovered we had a lot of eggs that were on their way to the bin if we didn’t use them up… so we iso-baked meringues (no. 18, completed: 22/03) and Banana Bread (no. 89, completed: 24/03)… and a LOT of other things, but they were the two that also doubled as March list items.

My last list item in March is a pretty boring one… I counted off my third month of no games on my phone (no. 49, completed: 31/03)… it wasn’t as hard as it had been previously… and certainly helped keep my useless phone time down… but it’s not very exciting to write about… So there you go… 5 things off the list in March.

April

Once we had adapted to lockdown life… we hit our listing stride in April. Isaac crossed another two things off his list and I crossed 6 off mine… not a bad effort considering we didn’t really leave the house!

Dave and I choose to keep Isaac home from childcare so that those who needed to use it could and we weren’t adding to ours or their risk… but that meant I needed to step up my activity skills. I like order and structure and not much mess… well that’s not entirely true… I don’t mind making mess as long as I don’t have to clean it up… so messy play is usually reserved for childcare… where Isaac can make lots of mess without me panicking or having to pack up. But lockdown meant we had to make some changes but it also meant we were able to cross off no. 80 Paint a picture (completed: 28/04) and no. 51 Make some cookies with Isaac (completed: 25/04)… we made some ANZAC biscuits for ANZAC day… they were delish! We also were a bit more deliberate about physical activity… Isaac mastered jumping and scooting (no. 13, completed: 26/04 and no. 8, completed: 27/04 respectively) and Dave and I signed up for an exercise challenge with my brother and his family making us move every day… this eventually led to a Les Mills on-demand subscription… which in turn meant I could do exercise classes from the comfort of my lounge room (no. 87, completed: 04/04).

For my birthday we took some family photos in the backyard (no. 27, completed: 09/04) in which I wore a bright pink jumper that I had purchased in March but hadn’t been brave enough to wear (no. 78, completed: 09/04). I actually love it and it has brought some bright and happy vibes a few times during lockdown since.

We also got to watch a brand new Disney movie… not at the movies like I had planned, but again from the safety and comfort of our lounge room Dave and I watched Onward… and it was lovely in all the right Disney ways (no. 94 completed: 26/4).

May

May was a big month for us… Isaac crossed 3 things off his list and I crossed 5 things off mine. Which again considering we were only allowed to leave the house at the end of the month… it’s a pretty great effort.

The biggest list item for May was no. 2. Find a better work-life balance (completed 08/05). At the beginning of the year when I wrote the list I wasn’t sure what this would look like, but as 2020 would have it this item was done for me… At the end of April, I was told that my role at one of my jobs was being made redundant, the company was undergoing a merge with another company and my role was the first of many that would be a double up once the merge was finalised so… being on the taken over side of the company… my job was no longer needed. To be totally honest even though I knew this was a possibility until I was actually told, I hadn’t believed it. I loved the work that I was doing and I honestly thought I was bringing a lot to the table, and that maybe somehow I would be one of the lucky ones to hold on… but it was not to be… so on the 8th of May I had my last day there and went back to only being employed in one job, rather than the two I had been managing since returning to work after Isaac was born. I went from working 4+ days a week to a regular 2days… in theory… once schools went back… which gave me three weekdays with Isaac that I could be flexible with if I needed or wanted more work. And once I got over the disappointment of my role being made redundant I was quite excited about have some extra space in my life to be a mum… after all… they are only little once. Of course, this was all good provided that schools went back to onsite learning and Isaac went back to childcare… so for a few weeks between the end of May and the beginning of July I was pretty excited about the new balance I had found. Now that we are back in lockdown and there isn’t a huge amount of need for replacement teachers during online learning I have more at home life than I was planning, but I am looking at this as a positive too… although I will confess round 2 is much harder without the breaks that my two days of work provided in lockdown 1.

It turns out though that the extra time was good for listing… we drew pictures and completed puzzles (Isaac’s list no. 12, completed 10/05 and no. 17, completed 29/05). We toasted marshmallows in the fire pit in our front yard (no. 91, completed 16/05) which was a bit magical and way more fun than I had anticipated. I met my 3rd baby of the year (no. 20, completed 26/05) and I finished my 9th book (no. 7, completed 25/05) and that was before I managed to resurrect my original bookclub. This year’s books were a mixture of Reese Witherspoon’s Bookclub books from Hello Sunshine and some self-chosen books… here is the list so far:

Conviction – Denise Mina (Reese’s Bookclub)
Kings Cage – Victoria Aveyard
Searching for Sunday – Rachel Held Evans
Such a fun age – Kiley Reid (Reese’s Bookclub)
The scent keeper – Erica Bauermeister (Reese’s Bookclub)
The Jetsetters – Amanda Eyre Ward (Reese’s Bookclub)
Dark Emu – Bruce Pascoe
Autobiography of Jean Luc Picard
Little Fires Everywhere – Celeste Ng

Since then I have also finished:

10. Jack Charles: Born Again Blakfella – Jack Charles
11. Where the Crawdads Sing – Delia Owens
12. The Guest List – Lucy Foley (Reese’s Bookclub)
13. Conversations with Friends – Sally Rooney (The original bookclub that’s back… it needs a name)
14. A Year of Biblical Womanhood – Rachel Held Evans
15. Educated – Tara Westover (The original bookclub… yep definitely needs a name)

Not a bad effort especially given it’s only August. Although I have found reading to be a great distraction from social media and news… and a good way to fall asleep…

This month Isaac also learnt how to take a photo on the iPhone.. and he is pretty cuffed with himself (no. 22, completed 16/05) and thanks to a very thoughtful Mothers Day gift I am now the proud owner of some reusable non-paper towels (no. 5, completed 10/5). This has shown me just how much paper towel I actually use… and that these non-paper ones are just as good. Although I might need a second batch…

So while I am not sure when Autumn happened… Apparently, it was choccas. Because on top of everything listed above there were also some fun celebrations too… Easter, including Isaac’s first easter egg hunt which was much more fun than even I could have anticipated, Mother’s Day complete with homemade gifts and cupcakes delivered to Mooma and both Nannas and my return to my first craft love… cross-stitch. And even though it has all felt like a bit of a false start, I will continue to look back on this season as one of my all-time favourites, despite its challenges.

27Feb2019

Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Tension of Adjustment

Posted in Life by Em

Last weekend I experienced something profound… something I was not expecting, something that totally overwhelmed me and left me feeling both very appreciative, but also left me with a lot of questions.

I couldn’t tell you how many movies I’ve cried in… there are too many to count, I could probably think of a few that have left me in tears… usually sad tears that come out fear of shared experience or potential futures… but until last week, I don’t think I could have told you about a movie that left me uncontrollably sobbing in appreciation… it’s just never happened… not joyful, heartfelt appreciation. But that’s what happened, and jeepers were the ugly tears… now there was probably a lot of contributing factors… I’ve been tired, Isaac has been a bit under the weather, we are adjusting to a new season of life in the George household and there are a lot of emotions around… just under the surface waiting for their chance to show… but I think these tears were that and more… the more being a true and deep appreciation of what those who have gone before me have really sacrificed and fought for so that I can whinge about it now in my 2019 reality.

So what did I see? I hear you screaming… Dave and I saw ‘On the Basis of Sex’ a movie about the life of Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Who it turns out is a hero of mine… She is a woman who has spent her whole life standing up for herself and later the women of America. She is a woman who despite being constantly told, she can’t, she shouldn’t, and she is unwelcome preserved and persisted. A woman who knew her worth and that women in general were more capable than the lives they were encouraged and pigeoned holed into leading. It is thanks to her that discrimination on the basis of sex is no longer just accepted in American law… and in many way, thanks to women like her that I can do all of the things that I do, have the jobs that I have and expectations on my life that I do. It’s because of women like her (and many many others) that I can expect to co-parent and share the workload of my house, that I can work and not feel guilty about not being the full time carer for our son.

It’s no secret that I like to think of myself as an advocate for womens rights. I would like to think that I actually do advocate… not just think about it. But increasingly in my life I have found myself standing up against the female stereotype, that despite our modern age, continues to persist. However, even though I would like to think of myself as progressive, I often catch myself longing for what many refer to as a ‘simpler time’ when all I was expected to do was stay at home and keep both the house and the children under control. A time where I would have known my role… to marry well and be satisfied… where my choices were limited. But I know that for me this wouldn’t have been enough. I am a terrible decision maker, but I like having options… I like that I get to choose whether or not that is the life that I want. Now don’t hear me saying that being a stay at home mum isn’t a job… because it is more than a job… or that it is a bad choice, because it isn’t. It’s only a bad choice when it’s your only choice… especially if that choice is just assumed and not actually chosen by you. I know that I have more to offer than to be seen and not heard… and that I would never have been able to conform the way I would have been expected to had the ’1950s housewife’ expectation remained.

In watching ‘On the Basis of Sex’ I felt like I was able to get a glimpse into what it must have been like for so many women that have paved the way for me. I often feel like I am still fighting the proverbial white man in many areas of my life, but let me tell you my fight is nothing in comparison to the fights that have gone before. The overwhelming appreciation I have for Ruth and her counterparts I very hard to put in to words. However, the movie also left me wondering… why hadn’t I known her story before this… who else should I know about, why don’t I have more female heroes in my life… where can I learn their stories… because there must be so so so many more.

This season we are in at the moment is hard… it’s not our hardest season, and it has not been made difficult by one particular thing, it’s just a season of adjustment. Adjusting to new jobs and increased working hours for Dave, adjusting to picking up more days of my own work and returning to pre-baby work as well. Adjusting to not being around Isaac all day everyday and learning how to deal with childcare… saying goodbye, organising drop offs and pick ups and allowing him and I to rest (me occasionally while he is at childcare and him after childcare because playing all day is very hard work). Finding balance with work, money, fun, family and all the things that make up life. Finding the balance between wanting to be everything for everyone and knowing that I can’t. But these choices and these battles are also a privilege… these are choices that many women didn’t and still don’t have. And why balancing all these options has been something I have really struggled with especially since becoming a mum, I have to remind myself how blessed I am to live in a time where I can do what I want to do, where my husband expects to play a role in our household and parenting which is more than just occasional dinner guest and sole provider. And that my privilege still outweighs that of many people I encounter daily. Nevertheless, there is still a tension here. There is a tension between reality and expectations, tension between what was, and what is… and tension between what can be and what I want. It’s the reality often seen in a good old Facebook quote… “You can do anything, but you can’t do everything” which is very true but hard to remember all of the time, and not always fun to live. There has to be sacrifices eventually, but sacrificing time with Isaac to work doesn’t make me a bad mum, nor does sacrificing work to look after Isaac make me a bad feminist. It’s all just about finding balance.

So my challenge in this season is to seek out some more information and wisdom from those women who have gone before me and those that are still around me, who have made this thing called motherhood work… to learn more about women like Ruth… because seriously what a boss! But also to cut myself some slack… to be ok with the tension and growing pains of adjustment. To be ok with feeling both happy and sad that Isaac is at childcare. To embrace my ‘me’ time when I can so that I can be a better mum to him and a better person in general.

8Apr2017

29 things before 30

Posted in Life by Em

So tomorrow I turn 30… and just like every other birthday for at least the last 10 years I am not excited about getting another year over… but this year I feel a little more ready for it. 30 has been something that has been looming for a while… 30 years in fact, but more so in the past 12 months. Something that I have spent a lot of time thinking about and something that I have finally decided won’t be as bad as I think it will be. So I thought I would continue my new tradition (from last year) to take a moment before it happens to reflect on the year that was 29 before it is gone altogether. But before I can reflect on the last 12 months… because 30 is also the end of a decade… it only seems right to look at the last 10 years as well…

20-30 is a big time of change… a lot of growing up… and while I don’t think I have being an adult down pat yet, I certainly feel more like an adult than a young adult. I am not sure if it’s my new found love of a quiet night in? Or my change in thinking around having to stand up and make a change if I don’t like something… but I feel like where I am at now, even though it may not be where I am forever, is an achievement…

20-30 has also been home to some of my happiest times as well as my most challenging… I have changed and grown, physically, mentally and spiritually. And while I wish I hadn’t grown quite as much physically… unless I could have gained some extra height… I am thankful for the lessons I have learned and the paths I have taken that have made my faith and mind stronger.

I have done so much in my 20s that I am not sure how my 30s will catch up, but I hope that they do… although, I am hoping our hardest path has already be walked… and the rocky patches ahead will not be quite as devastating.

Since I turned 20 I have…

Completed… well attempted to complete my very first list (2007) and since attempted 8 more… I am currently on my 9th
Returned to China to hang out with Dad and cross ‘Hong Kong Disney Land’ off my life long Disney visit bucket list (2007)
Had my life outlook changed by a uni placement to Bourke (2008)
Had 2 massive 21st parties
Finished my Bachelor of Nutrition and Dietetics (2008)
Started running the Kids Church at Church and had the most epic YP Anniversary of all time with ‘Talkin’ about my generation’ (2009)
Continued my red dirt obsession with trips to Broken Hill (2009) and Uluru (2016)
Got a job in the country… Castlemaine to be exact… moved out of home and spent a year blogging about it (2009-2010)
Had my 5 year and 10 year High School Reunions (2009 & 2014)
Starred in Box Hill Salvos “Nativity Play’
Got my first iPhone
Ran 2 Half Marathons (2008 & 2013)
Meet a cute little guy named Dex… and he moved in (2009)
Bought my first new car and said goodbye to my faithful Saabie (2010)
Experienced some snapshots of Europe… first with the Big Band in Sweden in 2010… then with Davo in 2015/2016
Got Engaged (2010) and Married my very own Prince Charming (2011)
Auditioned for Broadway (2010)
Visited Disneyworld with my new Husband (2011)
Visited NZ and my NZ family a couple of times (2012 & 2014/2015)
Watched one of my little brothers get married (2012)
Said goodbye to my second job as a Dietitian and moved to my current workplace at Link, where I have been able to expand my dietetics skills in to Marketing and IT (2013)
Been Bridesmaid for 2 of my best friends (2014 and here)
Brought my first house (2014)
Graduated from uni twice… one for dietetics and then again for my teaching degree (2014)
Watched both of my parents get remarried (2014, 2015)
Worked out how to long distance best friend (2015)
Recorded my first CD… well sung vocals on a Big Band CD (2017)
Became a mum and had to say goodbye to my little man (2016)
Got back up (2017)

A big 10 years… but I think the past 12 months have challenged who I am at my core more than any year before and I think lots of the things that I have done over the past decade have somehow prepared me for what happened… But there has also been lots to be thankful for and I have learnt a lot… so in my new tradition… here are 29 things I have learned, loved and lived in the past year that have helped me prepare for 30…

Birthdays are excellent… No matter how much I have been nervous about embracing them… they are always fun… especially when Dave helps to plan them… tomorrow will be good.
Epic milkshakes are indeed epic… and often overwhelming, they should be consumed with caution… and preferably with no other sources of lactose.
Having a celebrity like a post… even if they are a fake one… is more exciting than it should be… they are just people…but it was Russell Coight
Dave makes driving a bus look grand
Trimester 1 of pregnancy is the worst… it is hard keeping a secret, especially a when you feel like poop and you have to convince everyone else you are fine… lets hope that the next one is somehow easier.
Jells Park is way more beautiful than I ever gave it credit for growing up… I am really glad that it is my local Parkrun venue.
Dex looks great in a bow tie
Family is messy and hard to fit on a wall, but I wouldn’t change any of it
Pregnancy cravings are weird… but turkish delight milkshakes are the bomb
Having Josh was the best thing I have ever done, but it was also the hardest knowing he wouldn’t stay. Even if I knew what would happen I wouldn’t have swapped those 24weeks for anything.
Colouring really is as good a distraction as they say it is…
I still love my list, and I am really enjoying the simplicity of it this year, lots of local fun.
29 has been a year of home, embracing family, learning to breathe and dreaming for the future.
This time last year I wrote ‘I am stronger and more capable then I think… I should remember this more often’, this is more true now then ever before.
Whatsapp is great, but seeing your bestie face to face is greater, especially when you have time off to be able spend with them.
I like being in the IT and Marketing teams… I also really like teaching. I am pretty blessed to work for such great places that encourage me to grow and learn new skills.
Dancing in a strawberry suit isn’t as embarrassing as you think it will be, you should just embrace it.
Dave is still the best person to have ever entered my life. He is strong, wise and loyal and I love him more than ever… plus he gets even better looking with age… who would have thought that was possible.
I am getting better at throwing things out… lots of times you have to get rid of something old to make way for the new. I don’t need to be a hoarder to keep the memories.
I have good people around me, my community if vast and wide and I often take it for granted, but Dave and I could not have gotten through the last 6 months without them.
I love the country
I love the AFLW and I am glad I was part of the first season.
I love singing in a recording studio… it makes me feel like a superstar.
New cameras are the bomb… but I desperately need to improve my photography skills.
Practicing gratitude is important… my new daily habit of writing down 3 things is helpful… it’s making me see the good… I should keep this going because I still can’t make happiness, or just choose to be happy, but I can choose to fill my life with people, things and places that make me happy, I can choose to see the good and I can choose to seek better.
I still love blogging… and I think I am getting better at it… I suppose that’s the plus side of honesty.
I love to worship… I love learning about worship and I love Jesus… He is the only one worthy of my worship.
My plans for my life might be good, but as hard as it is to accept sometimes, His ways are better. Life often seems unfair sometimes and we can’t always see the bigger picture… but we have to trust.
I am still getting better at looking after myself, but just like last year I still have a long way to go… but this remains a top priority. I can’t do what I am called to do, if I can’t function.

29 you have been a challenge, you have been hard, but you have been worth it all… in fact 20s you have been great… better than I had ever hoped and totally different from what I expected.

I am holding on to the promise that my 30s will bring better things… I hope that I continue to learn more, love more and live more… 30 I am now ready for you.

11Jan2017

Wordless Wednesday: Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho it’s back to work I go…

Posted in Life, Wordless Wednesday by Em

31Dec2016

2016 – Photos, Lessons and Thankfulness

Posted in Faith, Family, Friendship, God, Life, Project 365 by Em

Ok so today is the last day of 2016 and I can’t tell you how ready I am for 2017. It’s not that 2016 has been all bad, it hasn’t. There is a part of me that will actually miss the things and events of 2016, but I am ready for something new. Ready to start again. 2016 has held lots of my best and most treasured moments, our travels around the world, new friends, old friends and meeting and holding my baby boy for the first time. But the second half of 2016 has also been my hardest time to date, saying goodbye to Josh way too soon and learning to live in world where he was and now isn’t.

Much of 2016 was unexpected, but through all of this I have grown. I have learnt more about myself, who I am, who I want to be, and where I need to make changes. More about my family and friends, just how important they are, and how much they love Dave and I through both good and bad. And more about what is important in life, how much trust I have in Jesus and that even though I may not see the whole picture I can trust that this is part of something much bigger than me. That this year has been and will be way more important that I will understand for a long time. I have learnt to hold on to the things that I know are true and good and to hope and celebrate joy in really really crappy places. I know that “God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” (Romans 8:28, NLT).

Looking forward to 2017 I must “be strong and courageous! I must not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord my God is with me wherever I go.” (Joshua 1:9, NLT with my paraphrase). God has this covered, he has Dave and I covered in his love, in his grace and in his mercy. His love brings joy and peace beyond understanding and circumstance. We have good things ahead and my hope is that we will see some of these in 2017.

Usually at this time of year I would right a blog looking back at the year through the photos taken on my iPhone which I am still going to do, only this year instead of writing a highlight of each month, I am going to write about the things I am thankful for. On most occasions these are also the highlights, but practicing my gratitude and highlighting the blessings brings me a lot more joy than just telling you that something was good. It’s also better for my brain. So this is what 2016 looked like through the eyes of my iPhone with my gratitude lens on.

January…

I am thankful for:
• Travel, exploring Europe and having my mind opened to more of the world with the best travel buddy I could have ever asked for, Dave.
• Meeting new friends.
• Polka bands and spoons in Austria.
• Exploring London, Paris and Disneyland with my best friend.

February…

I am thankful for:
• Warm weather and food with friends old and new.
• Parkrun and it’s ability to engage my fomo so I actually exercise.

March…

I am thankful for:
• More food and sharing it with more people – this seems to be a theme of my life.
• Inverloch and the opportunity that it gives me to step back and slow down.
• Beautiful cards from Happy Mail that I have been able to share.
• Learning about snapchat filters and the fun they have brought… even though I still haven’t quite conquered snapchat.

April…

I am thankful for:
• The outback and red dirt and the feeling that I get when I am standing surrounded by it. By the incredible landscapes and history our home holds.
• Camping, hiking and exploring new and beautiful places with Dave’s family and how much closer I feel to them after having these experiences.
• Getting over my fear of bugs, I don’t know how, but I do know it happened in April and now they don’t bother me… at all, it’s really nice.
• Birthdays and the wonderful excuse they are to catch up with people and eat delicious treats… see I told you it was a theme.

May…

I am thankful for:
• School and the community that it is, for the wonderful and talented kids, for our trip to Mt Gambier and watching them perform in the Lion King.
• 5 years with Davo as married couple. Marriage just keeps getting better and better and it is still the best decision that I have ever made, to say yes to him and to get married.

June…

I am thankful for:
• Finding out we were pregnant, even if I wasn’t quite ready.
• For work and the fun things I get to do, talks, presentations, adventures and be creative.
• Bram and Jean and the impact they had on Box Hill Salvos, but also on Dave and I. Their wisdom, humility and enthusiasm is something that I greatly value. For Bram and I’s competitive parkrun spirit and his encouragement of my running.

July…

I am thankful for:
• Anti-nausea medication and the difference it makes.
• The generosity of friends and the wonderful and relaxing weekend in the city it provided for Dave and I.
• Catch ups with new, but great friends.
• The joy of sharing good news with family. For how excited they were and how much they loved Josh, even before we new he was Josh.

August…

I am thankful for:
• Sharing my pregnancy with one of my best mates and having an endless supply of food at our shared desk.
• Scans and how incredibly detailed they are, for seeing Josh move around and starting to get to know who he was.
• The joy of sharing our news of Joshua with our wider group of friends and family and the amount of love that was poured out.
• More sunny days as winter started to disappear.

September…

I am thankful for:
• Cleaning things out and making way, decluttering and letting go.
• Our Babymoon to Lakes Entrance and time spent with just Dave.
• The incredible example my grandparents are in their marriage, 60years strong and still so in love.
• Tiny baby clothes and toys.
• Another scan and the detail in which we were able to see our perfect baby growing.
• Turkish Delight milksakes and pink donuts.

October…

I am thankful for:
• Dust and Jess and the exciting news that our Baby was getting a cousin.
• Spending time with friends for the grand final, birthdays and mario party.
• Holding Josh and being about to spend 3 heartbreaking days with him, for how perfectly he was made and how beautiful he was.
• Watching Dave with Josh and falling even more in love with him as he became a father to our tiny boy.
• Being able to sing, kiss and cuddle my precious little one.
• Friends and family that stood in the gap for us as we grieved, for food and gifts that filled our house and for love that was poured out so abundantly.

November…

I am thankful for:
• Learning to breathe again.
• Sunny days to spend out on the deck and catching up with family.
• Gingerbread, Christmas Trees and the Christmas Movie Marathon voting system.
• Our photo wall and being able to put our whole family up there.
• Singing to celebrate on of my old teachers at school and the impact he had on our musical lives and just singing in a choir again.
• Heartfelt and their gift of beautiful photos of Joshua

December…

I am thankful for:
• Polaroid photos.
• Having Kirsten home for a couple of weeks and getting to hang out with here.
• Crafting and blogging and having time to due some fun projects.
• Perfectly wrapped Christmas gifts.
• Christmastime – meals, celebrations and time spent with those most important to us.
• Joshua’s tiny hand prints on our tree.
• More time on the deck.
• Summer, heat and our new air conditioners.
• Time to reflect.

There has been so much to be thankful for and really this is just a snap shot. Despite the pain and turmoil of moments, 2016 has been pretty good, really good actually, but I am still looking forward to 2017 with the hope of even more joy. I will be strong and courageous, and I will trust that there is good because I love God and he loves me and will be with me whatever 2017 holds.